NEWS OF THE WEIRD: Stories of the strange, the sublime, the supernatural, the silly and the stupefying

Zombies In Austin?

http://news.aol.com/article/zombies-road-signs-attack-austin-texas/322482

Haha, that is hilarious. I like the fact that the article continues to confirm that 'no zombies were actually sighted'.

And scrolling further down the page I noticed the photo of the car dangling on the cliff edge. How come so many suicide attempts end in funny photos.

Buscemi wrote:Zombies In Austin?

http://news.aol.com/article/zombies-road-signs-attack-austin-texas/322482

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,484326,00.html

i also like how, despite this probably being a semi-serious offense, even officials are admitting that it's pretty funny

Second reported birth of octuplets ever

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7852623.stm

The really amazing part is that she had six children before then.

Proof that whiskey saves lives

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/somerset/7853328.stm


Not so much news, but boy is this something I've felt like writing after every long haul flight.

http://www.popbitch.com/home/which-one-is-the-starter-which-one-is-the-desert/

Every Embryo Is Sacred: A Follow-Up To The Octuplets Story

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090131/ap_on_re_us/octuplets

Hey, all, looks like I'm back up and running, finally, so I wanted to pop in here for a quick sec before moving on to other pressing business, and with luck I'll be back this evening to post my Super Contest II: The Wrath of Bale picks and some other stuff. However, I wanted to say THANK YOU! to everyone who's kept up the posting in this thread: Roodey ("Urgh! Roodey!"), Boussh, Jackie Oh!, Mister Eye, Shrykey, Six, Spannaus, and, most notably, Banks, for not only breaking news, but, erm, sorta MAKING news, too. Banks, You... Complete... Me. [Grin]

Kaiser Bun, we are DEFINITELY going to have those beers an' burgers one day.

And congratulations to Ben Roethlisbertoomanydamnletters, and the Steelers and their many many Keystone Light-swilling fans, for their record sixth Super Bowl victory in spite of trying their level best to piss the game away with penalties in the second half, and to the NFC for winning twelve consecutive Super Bowl coin tosses, and to Bruce Springsteen for delivering the hands-down BEST halftime performance since U2 in '02. Much as I would have loved to see the Cards pull it out, and to see Kurt Warner get his long-deserved comeuppance, the Redbirds all but threw the game away with ninety-odd yards worth of holiding penalties and, well, that's not how championships are won, folks. I know: I'm a Cowboys fan.

Moving on: Today's NEWS OF THE WEIRD comes to us from, of all places, TrekMovie.com: Surrender Your Credits and Squishies or I Will Kill You In the Name of Kah'less, Ugly Bag of Mostly Water! Dude, you just... can't... make... this... shit... up.


...to learn how to light the bleedin' set, you f@$%. Or we're done professionally. Personally is another matter

Everyone's Prolific At Something:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090205/od_afp/skoreamotoringoffbeat_20090205024852

Was it you Swedge that robbed that store?

Next we'll see people being taken hostage with lightsabres

Has it now come to playing Russian Roulette with food for excitement????????

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28874327/

Buscemi wrote:Every Embryo Is Sacred: A Follow-Up To The Octuplets Story

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090131/ap_on_re_us/octuplets

This is exactly the reason I think people should be sterilized until they prove they are necessary for society. 14 Fucking kids and she is living with her mother and probably on welfare!!!

This cunt should have been spit into the toilet 34 years ago.

Keyser Soze wrote:Has it now come to playing Russian Roulette with food for excitement????????

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28874327/

See that is Darwinism balancing the octuplets from that other idiot. If you fool-proof the world, the world will build a better fool. And some people who eat blowfish testicles deserve limb paralysis and death. I was hoping for the death part but apparently they survived dammit.

Donte77 wrote:

Buscemi wrote:Every Embryo Is Sacred: A Follow-Up To The Octuplets Story

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090131/ap_on_re_us/octuplets

This is exactly the reason I think people should be sterilized until they prove they are necessary for society. 14 Fucking kids and she is living with her mother and probably on welfare!!!

This cunt should have been spit into the toilet 34 years ago.

I'm guessing that you do not have children.

That would be correct. BUT even if I did have kids, I will raise them on MY money, not welfare, and I will have 1, maybe 2. 14 is fucking ridiculous and should be punishable by death for the mother and slavery for the children.

Happy Day!

Donte77 wrote:That would be correct. BUT even if I did have kids, I will raise them on MY money, not welfare, and I will have 1, maybe 2. 14 is fucking ridiculous and should be punishable by death for the mother and slavery for the children.

Happy Day!

this mother shouldnt be allowed to have one kid if she's still living with her own mother. I dont think its the number that matters because i know a family with 11 kids and they have it great.

For some weird reason Donte, I thought you were Keyzer.

And I think you would make the best father out of all of us, Donte. You seem the most like a kid and I think that children would like you. Or at least you'd be the cool relative that allows the niece and nephew to do stuff that their real parents wouldn't allow them to do.

As for myself, I'd leave the number of children to the wife. If the number reaches something crazy, then I shall get a vasectomy.

Hahaha. You should know better.. Keyser is a nice guy with a family. A comment like that would only come from me.

Buscemi wrote:For some weird reason Donte, I thought you were Keyzer.

And I think you would make the best father out of all of us, Donte. You seem the most like a kid and I think that children would like you. Or at least you'd be the cool relative that allows the niece and nephew to do stuff that their real parents wouldn't allow them to do.

As for myself, I'd leave the number of children to the wife. If the number reaches something crazy, then I shall get a vasectomy.

Boush,

Wow you have me really confused. It almost seems like had the comments actually been mine, you would have felt one way, but since they came from Donte, you feel a different way. Just to let you know, my opinions pertty much echo everything Donte said, and yes, you are correct that I have no children. The reason that I have no children is twofold. The first one you are probably not old enough to understand, and that is that in my younger years, I really did not feel like I wanted to bring a child into a world that could be destroyed by global thermonuclear war at any minute. Trying to explain to today's generation what it was like living in the world pre fall of Berlin Wall is almost impossible as it is just beyond their capability to understand as it is something unlike anything they have experienced.

The second is that I have never felt the need or want to procreate. I believe that there are too many other folks in this world who like children way more than I do that for folks (like me) who either aren't sure or are sure that they don't want to be parents to just have children for the sake of having them.

Still doesn't stop me from having opinions about other folks who have chosen to have them and are just plain idiots.

Buscemi wrote: Or at least you'd be the cool relative that allows the niece and nephew to do stuff that their real parents wouldn't allow them to do.

I am that relative. I have a niece that is 7 years younger than me and she is like my kid sister (lil sis) and that is exactly what I do.

My theory with kids is that whatever they can get away with is fine. But don't get caught. Getting caught means you broke the rule AND were stupid. Curfew will be "Home before I go to bed" but if you are late the rule becomes "Be a ninja because if you wake me up, I will throw your TV/DVD/MP3/Etc whatever through the window and beat your ass and the next time you are sleeping I will dump a gallon of ice water on your back".

These are the kind of rules I discuss with my wife. I won't be able to severly beat them but the ice water is a go. LOL Isn't she great???

Keyser Soze wrote:

Buscemi wrote:For some weird reason Donte, I thought you were Keyzer.

And I think you would make the best father out of all of us, Donte. You seem the most like a kid and I think that children would like you. Or at least you'd be the cool relative that allows the niece and nephew to do stuff that their real parents wouldn't allow them to do.

As for myself, I'd leave the number of children to the wife. If the number reaches something crazy, then I shall get a vasectomy.

Boush,

Wow you have me really confused. It almost seems like had the comments actually been mine, you would have felt one way, but since they came from Donte, you feel a different way. Just to let you know, my opinions pertty much echo everything Donte said, and yes, you are correct that I have no children. The reason that I have no children is twofold. The first one you are probably not old enough to understand, and that is that in my younger years, I really did not feel like I wanted to bring a child into a world that could be destroyed by global thermonuclear war at any minute. Trying to explain to today's generation what it was like living in the world pre fall of Berlin Wall is almost impossible as it is just beyond their capability to understand as it is something unlike anything they have experienced.

The second is that I have never felt the need or want to procreate. I believe that there are too many other folks in this world who like children way more than I do that for folks (like me) who either aren't sure or are sure that they don't want to be parents to just have children for the sake of having them.

Still doesn't stop me from having opinions about other folks who have chosen to have them and are just plain idiots.

I knew I liked this man. I really thought that you had kids for some reason, Keyser. I understand your thinking. I never wanted kids either and my thoughts were that the world is shit so why would I force a child into this world that I hate. But now I think that maybe it is my chance to counter-act the "idiocracy" movement by having a couple of kids and making sure they are smart and useful so they can continue to harass the establishment. I don't think the next generation would be complete without a couple of intelli-terrorists. If my own kids are stupid, they will probably have an unfortunate accident at some point. LOL

Keyzer,

You chewed me out but you did it like a man. Thank you.

Buscemi

Buscemi wrote:Keyzer,

You chewed me out but you did it like a man. Thank you.

Buscemi

Damn, maybe I would have been a good parent after all. Hmmmmmmmm

Donte77 wrote:

My theory with kids is that whatever they can get away with is fine. But don't get caught. Getting caught means you broke the rule AND were stupid. Curfew will be "Home before I go to bed" but if you are late the rule becomes "Be a ninja because if you wake me up, I will throw your TV/DVD/MP3/Etc whatever through the window and beat your ass and the next time you are sleeping I will dump a gallon of ice water on your back".

Donte,

This is exactly how my dad raised me. "Go out and do whatever you want, just don't get caught. If you do, don't call me." He made alcohol freely available to us in the house so that there really was no urge to have to sneak off with friends to get some. "Drugs? Hey, feel free to experimant with whatever you want, but again, you better not waste that one phone call on me." Sure made me think twice about a lot of the choices I had. I'd like to think that I would have been able to raise kids the same way, but I was just never able to rationalize how I would deal with discipling a child for getting caught doing any of the things I knew I got away with at their age. Pretty much caused the end of my first marriage as the ex felt the same way I did about having children then about 3 years in, she changed her mind. Found out that you really can't compromise on bringing a child into the world. You can't say, "let's try it for a while and if it's not for us, we'll put it back."

Justice Will Be Served, But It's Going To Take Awhile:

http://www.walletpop.com/blog/2009/02/05/crime-doesnt-pay-for-man-who-took-50-cents-24-years-ago/

Erm. Touchy subject, and off-topic. However... (after all, it's not like that never stopped me before, right?)

This whole deal with the Suleman Octoplets has actually been pretty much in the forefront of my thoughts the last couple of weeks, sort of unusual for yours truly because I really make an effort NOT to get whipped up into a frenzy over this week's special of insanity (whatever that might be) doled out by an increasingly self-derivative multimedia confederacy of dunces. Fifteen years on since O.J., it's all pretty much agglomerated together into a great, big, steaming pile of increasingly embarrassing borderline-hysterical pop-culture irrelevancy: JonBenetHeavensGateLewinskyAnneHecheConditRaeliansBenniferNataleeHollowayScientologyParisLindsayNicoleMileyCyrusWardrobeMalfunctionBrangelinaBobbittCroweKidmanCruisePennTheRoyalsAreStarkBleedingNuttersMichaelJacksonIsAPedophileChristianFuckingBaleIsABullyAndAPrig. I avoid E!, Nancy Grace, Greta Van Susteren and ALL those half-hour documentary profiles on the fall of Western civilization (Extra!, Inside Edition, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, not to mention the True Hollywood Story) as if they carried the Ebola Zaire virus. If the Visitors or the Cylons or Keanu Reeves are REALLY looking for a reason to replace the Earth with an interstellar bypass, they hardly need to invent justifications so profound as water, metaphysical answers or the Galactic Sierra Club's by-laws. Just look at the mindless drivel we entertain ourselves with, this ceaseless tidal wave of mutant monkey shit crising and resting and washing over the fabric of our lives at the top of each hour, drowning us in a feckless, frantic, f@$%ed-up ectoplasmic infotainment shoggoth. We live inside a veritable gibbering mouther, and we are it, and it is us. The Roman Empire, numbed into a soporific complacency by bread and circuses, fell from neglect to the rampaging barbarian hordes. We ARE the circus; we ARE the barbarians. There is no place to hide from the madding crowd; we ARE the madding crowd.

However, perhaps -- just this once -- I digress.

The story of Nadya Suleman -- her incomprehensibly broken life; her relentlessly trod-upon parents; her narcissistic, self-indulgent, diseased pseudo-Munchausen's obsession with the rapid accumulation of spawn; her towering incompetence at the rearing of same; her twisted attempts to extort money, career and fame out of well-meaning celebrities and corporations while essentially pimping her children; her vacuous, vapid vanity, her blisteringly buffoonish banality -- is Greek tragedy, Shakespearean comedy, Pythonesque lampoonery for the 21st Century, a parable of greed and ignorance and all-too-real satire related with all the beauty and subtlety and prose of lavatory limerick, a bumper sticker or a text message... Euripides for Dummies. No sane person aware of this situation could possibly approve of this person's continuing acquisition of disturbingly dependent and defenseless underdeveloped life forms. And, yet... There's something dark, something sinister, something frightening about the prospect of legislating, regulating or pre-certifying the potential of parenthood, something that makes this issue far more complex, far more difficult to resolve than what I would prefer to acknowledge.

Here's a question: WHO OUGHT TO HAVE STOPPED HER? (Besides herself, of course; she's so far 'round the bend, she's out of cell phone range FROM the bend.) American law does not recognize the crime of child abuse or neglect unless an ACTUAL CHILD is victimized; POTENTIAL children have few legal protections in this country, else the employment of the morning-after pill, not to mention abortion, would be considered murder under the law. The State has, at present, no right, no legal mechanism, no legislative mandate to abridge the ability of one human being to reproduce, even when it has been demonstrated that a person has little to no ability -- or, even, desire -- to care for a child. Welfare and other entitlement programs, as well as federal Government pay scales, reward larger families with larger disbursements. Children who become pregnant themselves are encouraged to give up their babies, but not forced to. Even convicted felons have congugal rights... The statistics for pregnancy among our nation's female prison population are mind-blowing, and although their kids can't feasibly be raised in such an environment, parental rights are rarely revoked even for the most careless and antisocial offenders. So ought some Government agency, some pregnancy police, to have stepped in and halted this sequence of events? And do we really WANT the Government, of all things, deciding who is a fit prospective parent, and authorizing who can pop out little brats, and when, and why?

>>>Continued...