SPEARE'S TIPS: THE FILMS OF 9/4 - Gamer, All About Steve, Extract et al.

Wow. I must say, I am amazed. I saw a total of five films in theaters this August, and I absolutely loved four of them. That’s right, 80% of the movies that I saw I gave a personal rating of 8/10 or higher, those being: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (9/10), District 9 (9/10), Julie & Julia (8/10), and, this past weekend, Inglourious Basterds (8/10). I mean, that’s a better percentage of quality than any other month this year. In August?! Who’da thunk it? (The one loser was The Ugly Truth, in case you were wondering.) Two months ago, I was actually looking forward to September more than August! Well, nowhere to go but down…

The first week of September, which usually falls around the Labor Day holiday, marks a turning point in the direction that movie prospects take. Gone are the summer spectaculars, and now we settle down into what basically amounts to two months of filler between summer and winter. You don’t really EXPECT anything that comes out in September or October to break the bank at the ticket counters, which often makes picking a worthwhile slate during the fall season rather problematic.

Case in point: one year ago, the Nicolas Cage actioner Bangkok Dangerous was the lone film to make its debut on the first weekend of September. And it won the weekend, but with a miserable $7.8 million. In 2007, 3:10 to Yuma won with a mere $14 million opening weekend. And in 2006, Crank bowed by winning with only $10.4 million. Are you starting to get the picture?

While there are two movies coming out this Friday that may have the appearance of a film that may break the woeful Labor Day weekend streak, I seriously doubt they will. The first is Gamer, an R-rated action flick brought to us by Lionsgate Pictures and the directing team of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who are responsible for helming the two absolutely godawful Crank movies. Rather than Jason Statham, however, Gamer stars the hunky (and eminently more marketable) Scot Gerard Butler, who has been well-known to American audiences since his role as King Leonidas in 300.

Butler’s had a busy year, to be sure; apart from the successful summer rom-com The Ugly Truth, he’s also starring in F. Gary Gray’s Law Abiding Citizen next month. In Gamer, Butler plays Kable, a death-row inmate who is the star “player” in a futuristic (the year 2034, to be exact) game called “Slayers”, where players use implants to control the movements of their warriors. The carrot that is dangled in front of the inmates: survive 30 sessions, win your freedom. (Sounds a lot like last August’s Death Race, doesn’t it?)

As supporting casts go, Gamer’s ain’t bad: Michael C. Hall (Dexter), Milo Ventimiglia (Heroes), Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer), Alison Lohman, John Leguizamo, Terry Crews and rapper Chris “Ludacris” Bridges. Despite the sketchy resume of this film’s directors, I really want to see this film. But recommend it for your slate? I just can’t.

I’ve already outlined the draught that usually accompanies films released on the opening weekend of September. Add to that the fact that Gamer will only bow in 2,300 or so theaters, and I would frankly be surprised if it amassed any more than $12 million in its first three days, which, I daresay, will probably not be enough to take down The Final Destination in its second week. For $10 in the September Ultimate leagues, you may get a few Top 5 points, but the User Rating won’t do you any favors, and $30 million in total revenues is probably the best you can do. And for $10 in Box Office, I suggest you search for greener pastures later on in the season.

If you haven’t yet sensed a pattern with this week’s films, you soon will. For All About Steve, I can find even less to recommend it. Yes, I know that the ageless Sandra Bullock is coming off a tremendous summer success in The Proposal ($160 million and counting), and good for her. But if there is a yellow brick road that will somehow make her an A-list star again, this ain’t it. I’m sure you know, this film has been postponed more than once (it was originally supposed to bow in spring), which is never a good sign – unless you are a certain Liam Neeson revenge flick, snerk – and the fact that it is bowing in even fewer theaters than Gamer (2,000 theaters, according to B.O.M.) will torpedo any chances for this film’s success.

In Steve, Bullock plays Mary, an eccentric crossword-puzzle-constructor (no, really), who, after one blind date with a news-network cameraman named, you guessed it, Steve (played by Bradley Cooper, coming off a pretty big summer comedy himself), is convinced that he is her soulmate… and then goes into full-on stalker mode, following Steve and his boss, an egotistical newsman (Thomas Haden Church) around the country. But after she unwittingly becomes embroiled in a major news story, the whole news crew begins to see the appealing side of her quirky personality. Ken Jeong (also from The Hangover), DJ Qualls and Keith David fill out the supporting cast.

Okay… in the space of two months, we go from bossy Sandra to batshit-crazy Sandra. Forgive me if I see this as a step down. I am much, MUCH more interested in her performance in John Lee Hancock’s The Blind Side (due out in December). For Steve, I envision maybe five Top 5 points, a Rating not above 7.3 and perhaps $30 million if it has any legs. For $9 (in either league), I suspect you can make much wiser choices (such as Law Abiding Citizen, Amelia or Precious). Pass.

And the misses just a’ keep on coming. Up next is Extract, the latest film from Beavis and Butt-Head and King of the Hill creator Mike Judge. Don’t get me wrong, I happen to think that Judge is a fount of still-untapped genius – Idiocracy COULD have been a hilariously poignant satire on the downward evolutionary spiral that mankind is taking, but instead fell into a quagmire of bawdy humor, and Office Space was a neo-classic – but I just don’t think this is the film to put him front-and-center on the cinematic map.

In this film, Jason Bateman stars as Joel, the owner of a factory that makes vanilla extract (hence the title), who has had a streak of really bad luck: a series of unfortunate industrial accidents, and a cooling period between himself and his wife (Kristen Wiig), made even more complicated by the arrival of a sexy new temp (Mila Kunis). Of course, this being Mike Judge, you just know that there will be slacker comedy, mostly in the form of Joel’s bartender bud Dean (Ben Affleck). The supporting cast includes J.K. Simmons, David Koechner and… GENE SIMMONS?!? Forget what I said, this movie just got a lot cooler! Well, maybe not a lot, but definitely a little.

Honestly, the trailer doesn’t make Extract look that appealing to me (Gene notwithstanding). It’s certainly nothing I haven’t seen Judge do before (and better), and if the fact that it’s coming in a scant 1,300 theaters doesn’t scare you off picking it for your slates, I don’t know what will. The low number virtually assures that it will bring you zero Top 5 points, no PTA, a Rating optimistically in the mid-6’s and $15 million, tops. It may find some life-after-theaters on DVD, but then, this game isn’t about DVD rentals, is it?


And now for a look at September 4th’s three limited-release films:

Carriers ($3 Ult, $4 BO) – one would think that any film, no matter how small, that stars Chris Pine (who broke out in a HUGE way this summer as the youthful James Kirk in Star Trek), would be something that audiences might clamor for. But, sadly, very few will ever know of its existence. This horror film is another version of the mass-pandemic variety, where the uninfected minority must battle for survival as the deadly virus spreads on all sides of them. Despite the presence of Chris Meloni (Law & Order: SVU), Piper Perabo (Beverly Hills Chihuahua) and, of course, Pine, look for this one to come and go like a summer cold.

Had this film actually been released wide, like it was originally SUPPOSED to, it might have stood a chance. But Paramount Vantage is quietly shoving it into 100 theaters on one of the worst weekends of the year, where it will die an agonizing death much like most of its characters. I don’t think I need to elaborate on predictions; needless to say, even $3 is too much for it. (Yes, the current Rating of 7.6 may help, but it won’t stay that high, trust me.)

Amreeka ($3 Ult, $1 BO) – Finally, something that might actually be worth its price tag. This film, the debut film for director Cherian Dabis, was shown at both this year’s Sundance AND Cannes Film Festivals, garnering substantial raves from critics (which explains its current RT score of “89% Fresh”).

Amreeka (which takes its name from the Arabic word for “America”) follows the story of Muna (Nisreen Faour), a Palestinian refugee and divorced single mother who now lives with her strong-willed mother and teenage son in a small town in Illinois, where, to put it mildly, they are not exactly made to feel welcome (which is not surprising, given that the film takes place just after the U.S. invasion of Iraq). Critics have called Amreeka “remarkably engaging”, “a portrait of our times painted from an immigrant’s mirror”, and “modest and enjoyable but artistically mediocre”.

It is set to debut on an unknown number of screens in New York and Los Angeles, and I would be surprised if it didn’t pick up at least a couple of PTA points. These kinds of films have been known to come out of nowhere and excel (like Lemon Tree did, and The Stoning of Soraya M. regrettably didn’t). It has a so-so current IMDb User Rating (6.6/140), but that could rise. For such a miniscule price tag, any PTA at all would be welcome, and this might just work on your slate as an eighth pick.

No Impact Man ($5 Ult, $1 BO) – But, in the grand scheme of things, I have to give my PTA Pick of the Week to this title. The recent success of documentaries in this game (like Anvil!, It Might Get Loud, and last week’s The September Issue, to jog your memory) should bear that out, and given the “green”-ness of the premise behind this film, I believe the streak will continue.

Directed by Laura Gabbert and Justin Schein, No Impact Man follows the Beavan family, as they abandon their Manhattan lifestyle in an attempt to have zero “impact” on the environment for one calendar year. What that means is: they reduce their net waste so drastically that it wouldn’t fill one single garbage bag for a year. A bold venture, to be sure. That also meant no electricity, no toilet paper, no phones, no lights, no motor cars, not a single luxury.

There are only three reviews up at RT, but they are all positive. Critics have called it “intriguing”, “droll”, and “thought-provoking”. Add that to its release platform (New York only, which means less than ten screens), its current Rating (8.2, but with only 60 votes) and the fact that this weekend couldn’t be more wide open, I heartily recommend No Impact Man for your slates. If you missed out on My One and Only and The September Issue, you may want to grab this one, because the forecast for September indie films looks mighty cloudy indeed.


My predictions for the weekend of September 4-6, 2009:

1. The Final Destination - $14 million
2. Gamer - $13 million
3. Inglourious Basterds - $10 million
4. All About Steve - $9 million
5. Halloween II - $7 million


Well, that will do it for me for another week. Next week, four more big films (and one little one) to talk about, as I tackle the second week of September, which includes: 9, a Tim-Burton-produced animated film based on an Oscar-nominated short film; I Can Do Bad All By Myself, Tyler Perry’s latest dramedy starring Taraji P. Henson (and, of course himself, as the irrepressible granny Madea); Sorority Row, another horror remake starring Rumer Willis, Briana Evigan and Princess Leia; Whiteout, a murder/thriller taking place in the frozen wastelands of Antarctica; and Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, a legal thriller starring Michael Douglas and directed by veteran helmer Peter Hyams.

Later!

Here are this week's trailers:

Keith David looks like the only good thing about All About Steve.

Ouch, you really think All About Steve will only grab $9M? I think it'll win the weekend with probably $16-$19M, but tail off pretty quickly.

And I can't wait to see Extract, although I know it won't do anything at the box office.

The only trailer that saw for All About Steve came was in February and the poster is ghastly looking. It's like they put the Jennifer's Body marketing team on All About Steve and All About Steve's on Jennifer's Body.

In short, the poster makes it look like a horror film. And Jennifer's Body's poster makes it look like a generic romantic comedy.

Buscemi wrote:The only trailer that saw for All About Steve came was in February and the poster is ghastly looking. It's like they put the Jennifer's Body marketing team on All About Steve and All About Steve's on Jennifer's Body.

In short, the poster makes it look like a horror film. And Jennifer's Body's poster makes it look like a generic romantic comedy.

I thought this was a thread for this weekend's movies... Am I wrong? The last couple of things you were this negatively obsessive about were Fast & Furious and Obsessed. There was The Hangover too for a while. Hmm... I think I'll add it to more slates then :)

I was never negatively obsessive about Obsessed. I knew that would make money the whole time.

But seriously, look at the two posters. Shouldn't the All About Steve poster be the poster for Jennifer's Body and vice versa?

which poster? the one of her face or the one where shes dressed up like a school girl on top of a desk with a hand coming out of it? Either way I dont see what that has to do with All about steve.

The school girl poster. It looks more like a poster for a raunchy comedy rather than a horror film.

Meanwhile, here is the All About Steve poster.



Doesn't that look like a horror film to you?

If bad photoshopping is horror, then yes.

To me, it looks like Bullock is going crazy and she will stab everyone with the umbrella.

Which is why Bradley Cooper and Thomas Haden Church have no fear in their eyes whatsoever...

While Ken Jeong is totally confused and Keith David is nowhere in sight.

ahhh, honestly, i cant wait for All about Steve.