Re: A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to The Forum

[undeadmonkey]

^hahahaha!!

btw, It's your turn in the draft donte

[Shrykespeare]

This one is priceless....A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address !!!!


A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16 , 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.

I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. Sure is hot down here!!!!

[Buscemi]

Apparently that was Donte in the future.

[Donte77]

Hehehe Nice. Very nice.

Unfortunately, if I am wrong about the atheism thing I won't be meeting my wife in the afterlife. LOL We will be located in different "hotels" so to speak.

[A_Roode]

EPIC FAIL!!!

[geezer9687]

That was so awesome Shryke.

[packpaljs]

WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...


Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

[W]

After my dad was a professional thief for Wal-Mart (I'll tell some of those stories if you like this one) he was a manager of a Family Dollar store.

One time someone came back to the store to return a talking baby doll that you squeeze and it says "Mommy." Upon asking the lady what was wrong with it, she squeezed the doll and it said "F**K YOU!" The best we can guess is that a worker at the doll factory recorded their voice on it. Hilarious...

[Shrykespeare]

I went to see UB40 in concert last night. A GREAT show. But what was a pleasant surprise was the comedian that opened up for them. His name was Robert (I think) Mack, a tall, bespectacled, intellectual-type that kind of looks like a cross between Tom Kenney (from Whose Line is it Anyway?) and Mark Mothersbaugh (lead singer of Devo). Here are a few of the funnier jokes that I remember.

I wanted into a bank and said, "Can I get 50 bucks?" The teller said "Withdrawal?", and I replied. "Kehhn ahhhh geehhhht fiiiifty buhcks?"

I vacationed in Utah recently. I stayed at a little hotel... I think it was a mom-and-pop-and-mom-and-mom-and-mom-and-mom kind of place...

You know what the problem with immigration is? The border is 2000 miles long. It's a dotted line on the map! No wonder people are getting through! We should just annex every country between Mexico and Panama.. the Panama border is only, what, 100 miles long? And besides, people wouldn't have to sneak into America; they'd already be here! And we could tax them!

My girlfriend and I bought a cat and a dog at the same time. The next day, we decided to name the dog "Curiosity"...

[Donte77]

Speaking of opening act comedians, some friends and I went to a comedy club a few years back and this dude was hilarious. He told this joke about being at a hotel while on the road and there was a bunch of people there. he starts hitting on this girl and he finds out that she is there with a group. She turns him down saying that he is fat. Then he finds out that the group is there for a Herpes convention. He says, "You can't turn me down cause I am fat. You have herpes and herpes beats fat, bitch."

[BarcaRulz]

Whoops...
---



Talk about your Engrish.
---



You talkin' to me?
---



This is wrong on SO many levels!
---



Good for him
---



Call me a bad person if you want.. but that's fucking funny!
---



Gotta love the French..
---

[NSpan]

http://www.cracked.com/article_17299_6-famous-characters-you-didnt-know-were-shameless-rip-offs.html

the whole list should be a fun read, but pay particular attention to #4.. (and, no, it's not a joke.. Kimba is available on Netflix)..

[A_Roode]

I like that picture of Sarkozy. Subtle and cagey, isn't it?

[Buscemi]

Sarkozy's wife is hot! Hopefully she's not as evil (fun fact: the villain from Quantum Of Solace was based off of Sarkozy).

And that Red Tube guy has one super sperm (to reference The Sugarhill Gang).

[W]

Tom Kenney (from Whose Line is it Anyway?) and Mark Mothersbaugh (lead singer of Devo).

Both of them are in cartoons now. Tom Kenny = voice of SpongeBob/Patchy the Pirate, Sit Down Shut Up, and practically every kids cartoon for the past 15 or so years.

Mark Mothersbaugh does music for kids shows (Rugrats theme) and draws on a puppet-type show on Nick called "Yo Gabba Gabba" (Biz Markie does a "Beat of the Day," Jack Black is on the new DVD. Did I mention I have a 3 Year Old, so its ok.)

[Buscemi]

Tom Kenny also did Mr. Show.

[NSpan]

Mark Mothersbaugh does music for kids shows and draws on a puppet-type show on Nick called "Yo Gabba Gabba" (Biz Markie does a "Beat of the Day," Jack Black is on the new DVD. Did I mention I have a 3 Year Old, so its ok.)

i don't have kids--yet somehow i know all about this

[W]

Mark Mothersbaugh does music for kids shows and draws on a puppet-type show on Nick called "Yo Gabba Gabba" (Biz Markie does a "Beat of the Day," Jack Black is on the new DVD. Did I mention I have a 3 Year Old, so its ok.)

i don't have kids--yet somehow i know all about this

I'm not quite sure if that is in the OK catagory or not, NSpan...

[NSpan]

Mark Mothersbaugh does music for kids shows and draws on a puppet-type show on Nick called "Yo Gabba Gabba" (Biz Markie does a "Beat of the Day," Jack Black is on the new DVD. Did I mention I have a 3 Year Old, so its ok.)

i don't have kids--yet somehow i know all about this

I'm not quite sure if that is in the OK catagory or not, NSpan...

does it help that i do drugs?

[Donte77]

I think that depends on what kind of drugs. If you are referring to lsd and shrooms then yes. If your drug of choice is rufies, then no!

[BarcaRulz]

And they expect us to buy it? Pffffff.
---

"Create Your Own Nic Cage Movie:"


I like the guy and still found that funny. Seriously, what is going on with his hair?

[A_Roode]

This is great!

[Donte77]

Damn Roodey, I will have to watch this when I get back to the hotel room. No audio in the booth. LOL

[A_Roode]

Oh the last line is a killer! *lol*

[NSpan]

[Sponsored content]